sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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