Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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