My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
