While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
