Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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