franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
