Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
