hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
