Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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