have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
