I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
