shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
