This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
