I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
