Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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