so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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