Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
