i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
