I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
