Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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