I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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