Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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