I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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