Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
