Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i came on her dog
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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