if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
