I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
