The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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