Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
