Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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