Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
