The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
