Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Vodka?
Forever.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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