I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
