My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
