I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
