i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
