theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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