We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
