I hate all girls vehemently.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How external is "for external use only"?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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