operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
well you can't waste a boner
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
