saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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