oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
