It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.