It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
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Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in