Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...