That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in