Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my shit smells like andre
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine