He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
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duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
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Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there