Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I wear drunk well.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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