someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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