You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Couch. On fire.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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