Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
