that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
