I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
