Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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