Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
