just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
