went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
