Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
