I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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