i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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