It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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