Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just cropdusted the office
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
