Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
