I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
