We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
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i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
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The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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