Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
