too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
