drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
