I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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