I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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