So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
