What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
