M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
