Kareoke will never be a sober sport
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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