Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
