I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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