A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
