The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
