I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
