omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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