I seem to have left my pride at pride
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
